As some may know, my wife and I have a weekend project and as I tell a story, I sometimes relate lessons of life I experience on the farm.
As we are retiring, we have taken on a project of expanding a cabin in the woods for our retirement home. Currently we have built an addition on the cabin, and are in the process of building the shell for a 500 sf “tiny home” for those who may need shelter in the future. (I’m thinking of you Katy.)
I tell you that because this story is directly linked to the tiny home construction.
It was a few months ago, when my wife and I were discussing the design for the tiny home that she latched on the idea of a loft in the shelter. I thought it was brilliant and began to draw up plans for the floorplan and wall elevations.
Back in May, the foundation was put in, floor beams and joists came along soon after. Floor decking took a bit of time, but it is good shape now. As for the walls, since it is only my wife and I out here, we typically build the wall on the floor, sheathe it and then lift it in place. First floor under the loft was a bit of a challenge, especially when we decided we could lift a 20′ wall. Twelve foot side walls were a breeze, and the floor joists for the loft were completed. Easy peasey.
Oh, by the way, did I mention I had a fear of heights? Even on the first floor, with the one corner being a mere three foot off of grade, my stomach flipped as I got within the a few feet of the edge. Now I got to lay flooring on joists that are eleven feet above ground. Let me tell you that there was a lot of nailing while on my stomach!
Next came the loft walls, which of course, we built on the loft floor. Remember the loft floor? That floor which is eleven feet above the terra firma? Again, the 20 foot wall for the loft was lifted, pinned and braced in place, all the while my gut running laps, and my mind swirling. The fear was irrational. It took hold of my mind and body. Periods of sweating like a pig washed over me. It was as if someone was pouring buckets of anxiety over my head.
This morning, my wife and I were putting up the last side wall on the loft, and a 20 minute job turned into 3 hours of avoidance, distractions, excuses and delays. Once we got on the loft floor, and began to lift the wall, I was shaking like a leaf. Eventually, we pinned the wall to the back, pinned the plate to the floor and braced the wall.
During this fiasco of fear, I let it out.
“I hate this fear”.
It is irrational, ridiculous, debilitating and all consuming. And very real.
During my 3 hours of avoiding the task I feared, I asked for courage (and safety) to complete this task. And then I simply began to do it. Did the fear disappear? Not at all. I described the stress I entered into earlier. Did the Lord forsake me in this prayer? Not at all. He gave me enough strength to match the fear, and accomplish the task.
Two take aways.
Courage and Fear
Fear can be a crippling condition. And for many of my days on this earth, I thought of courage as being the opposite of fear, but I am not convinced anymore. Of course in those areas where we are placed in a position to preach, with the Spirit of God in control, the fear is replaced by the boldness He provides.
At other times, when day to day fears come up, courage is the strength to exist despite the fear, even though the fear seems so dominant and pervasive. Almost paralyzing.
Compassion and Fear
As my dear wife has reminded me, we each have our fears, and many of them are irrational but very real to the victim. Her fears are completely different than mine. This “lofty” experience has humbled me, and hopefully provided my with one more ounce of compassion for those who confess of a fear they endure, and that I don’t suffer from.
My friends, we are a broken people, laden down with fears and worries and envies and grumblings and gossips and hatred and …. You get the idea.
To walk with the Lord is to find strength in our weakness, to find courage though the fear is rearing it’s massive head.
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