Flattery

Flattery. I love it. I wager a ton of hundred dollar bills my reader secretly loves it also. Who wouldn’t? To be flattered is to be praised, to be lauded, to appeal to the “greatness” of our self worth. To be flattered reveals that others see me for who I “truly” am, a fellow that is somewhat better than the rest, a fellow that is above average.

Oh ya!

Story time.

It was a few months back I saw a T shirt on a woman at the airport, simply stating “ABOVE AVERAGE” on the front. It occurred to me that I have never seen an advertisement on a human (read T-shirt message) declaring the owner “BELOW AVERAGE”.

We are a culture that loves flattery, even to the point where we self flatter. Yet flattery is a method of the enemy to provide compliments or praise in order to get something, or to find advantage over us. It is the proverbial “wolf in sheeps clothing” in the world of interpersonal relationships. Each instance of praise is to be identified for what it is in the believers life, and if of malicious intent, to be rejected as flattery.

Let’s take a few moments to consider the Word in relation to flattery.

Proverbs 29:5 A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet.

In this verse it is a clear, simple and understandable statement that flattery is a trap. There is nothing ambiguous about this statement, yet we all fall victim to this neighbor. How often has a friend or acquaintence used an obviously elevated form of praise prior to asking a favor, or seeking assistance?

Now before we become paranoid over everyone who is nice, kind or positive to us, we need to exercise some discernment in the reception of a general compliment. We generally live in a social order that exhibits kindness to one another. Although that culture may be slipping away, it is a good assumption to accept those we deal with from this standpoint. Some may be overly positive, overly kind, overly “personable”, but even with that personality, flattery may not be the issue. Some folks just love being around people. No malice, no problem.

Flattery includes the element of seeking advantage over someone. At times it takes the form of offering elevated praise or excessive compliments. This form of flattery is obvious, easily detectable and somewhat less of a trap.

The flattery that is nearly undetectable, and therefore of a higher danger is that which just tickles our ego, giving us just a slight boost in our self worth or self estimation. Flattery of this type comes with two considerations.

First off, the praise may be somewhat justifiable, within a range of reality. Therefore if we are walking in truth, this praise may be justifiably accepted. All is good in this situation, with one variable still to be determined.

Is the one offering the flattery hiding a malicious motive?

And there is the rub!

We cannot truly discern motives, but only make judgements on the outcomes, or the actions of those around us. Motives are too deep, too mysterious. Golly, I sometimes struggle understanding my own motives! Good luck figgering out other’s motives.

This is where the wisdom and patience of the Lord is critical. We have One who knows the hearts of men, and can provide warnings, guidance and protection as we ask Him.

Proverbs 26:28 A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin.

As mentioned above, we cannot judge motives, but we can consider the fruits of those who may be flattering us. If those who flatter have a track record of abusing those they flatter, common wisdom should be sufficient as our warning.

We are wise if we consider the past of the one speaking to us. Some questions I ask myself are…

• Is this person one who visits only to get something?
• Is this person one who is known by others as a “user”?
• Is this person of a servant attitude, willing to keep his word, even if it hurts?
• Is this person of a truthful spirit, one who is willing to admit error, and assume responsibility?

Proverbs 28:23 Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue.

You mean to tell me that if I say something nice to Johnny, making him feel good about himself, I will be favored less than if I rebuke Johnny of a sinful act, or reveal a need in his life.

I will tell you point blank, that is not my immediate experience. I usually walk away feeling pretty beat up after providing a rebuke. Even if it goes well!

Yet the wisdom of Solomon considers long term benefits, a believers adherence to truth in our lives, and the consideration of the good of others, and not simply our comfort in life.

Do you have a flatterer in you life? Understand the person, be aware of the lure praise has on your own heart, and ask the Lord for wisdom in any interactions.

But the bad news doesn’t stop there!

There is a certain type of flatterer that is worse, even deadly. Next post. lets consider the “worst of the worst” flatterer.

 

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